You can't "Soak It All In," because your brain wasn’t made to code EVERY moment as meaningful

Everywhere moms turn, there’s a gentle (but relentless) reminder to “soak it all in.”
The cuddles. The mess. The milestones. The madness.

But when everything is supposed to feel meaningful, many moms are left feeling like they’ve failed if they don’t savour every second of parenting.
At the end of the day, the self-talk creeps in:

• I wasn’t present enough.
• I missed moments I can never get back.
• I should’ve appreciated that more.

Here’s the truth: you weren’t designed to soak it all in.
And the neuroscience backs you up.

🧠 Your Brain Filters Out the “Neutral” for a Reason

Your brain is constantly bombarded with information—over 11 million bits per second of sensory data, in fact. But you can only consciously process about 40–50 bits per second (Koch, 2004).

To protect you from cognitive overload, your brain prioritizes what matters most and filters out the rest. This is part of a system known as attentional selection—it helps you focus on important cues and ignore what’s considered low-priority in the moment.

That’s why:

• You don’t remember the drive to daycare
• You zone out while doing the dishes
• You forget if you brushed your teeth this morning

These actions were handled by automaticity—repetitive behaviours your brain files as “non-essential” for conscious awareness. You did them. You were there. But your brain marked them as “neutral” and moved on.

This doesn’t make you a distracted mom.
It makes you a neurologically efficient one.

🧠 Emotional Salience: Not Everything Can Be Meaningful

The brain uses the amygdala and hippocampus to tag emotional salience—essentially, to decide what’s emotionally significant enough to be stored in long-term memory.

If every moment was emotionally rich, your nervous system would be chronically overstimulated. It’s not just unsustainable—it would lead to mental fatigue, decision paralysis, and even burnout.

This is also why mom guilt hits so hard: we expect every moment to feel meaningful, but our neurobiology isn’t wired that way.

🧠 Your Brain Needs “Neutral” Time to Integrate Experiences

Even when you’re not actively “doing” anything, your brain is hard at work.

During rest or mundane tasks, your Default Mode Network (DMN) kicks in. This network helps with:

• Emotional processing
• Memory consolidation
• Self-reflection
• Meaning-making

Ironically, it’s in these “unsoaked” moments—driving, folding laundry, making lunch—that your brain is quietly doing the work of integrating your experiences into your sense of self and motherhood.

Be Intentionally Present—Not Constantly Available

Here’s what your brain can do well:
It can focus deeply in small, intentional bursts.

Try setting a 15-minute timer to be fully present with your child:

• Build a LEGO tower
• Cuddle while watching a show
• Sit together with a snack and just talk

Let that be enough.

Then allow yourself to return to the routines, chores, and mental lists—without guilt.
Your brain actually thrives on this balance of intentional focus and neutral downtime.

You’re Not Missing It—You’re Living It

Not every moment needs to be emotionally loaded to be meaningful in the long run.
What matters is that you show up—in ways your brain and body can actually sustain.

You're still a loving, attuned, and responsive mom even if:

• You forgot what you made for lunch
• You tuned out while playing
• You were more focused on getting out the door than marvelling at your child’s sock choices

Motherhood isn’t a highlight reel.
It’s a long, layered story—and your brain is helping you survive it and savour it, all at once.

Encouragement from VOX Mental Health

At VOX Mental Health, we support mothers who are navigating the mental load, the emotional whiplash, and the impossible standards that come with parenting.

You don’t have to soak it all in to be a good mom.
You just have to keep showing up—honestly, imperfectly, and in a way your brain can handle.

If you're looking for a Barrie therapist or psychotherapist who understands the neurobiology of parenting, we're here to help.
www.voxmentalhealth.com

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