Mental health terminology—sometimes called “therapy speak”—has become part of everyday conversations. In many ways, that's a societal change worth celebrating. Terms like “triggers,” “boundaries,” “attachment styles,” and “emotional labour” can help people name and validate experiences that might once have felt confusing, overwhelming, or isolating. These concepts give shape to the ways we make sense of trauma, survival strategies, and how we navigate relationships and communication.

At the same time, as these words become more widely used—and more accessible through social media and wellness spaces—they can also be misunderstood, misapplied, or used in ways that unintentionally create disconnection rather than understanding. When therapeutic language is taken out of its original context or used primarily as a shield rather than as a bridge, it can sometimes become a tool for avoidance rather than for reflection, growth, or repair.

The Rise of Therapy Speak in Everyday Interactions

Social media, podcasts, and self-help books have created unprecedented access to mental health and well-being insights. This accessibility is important—but access doesn’t always equal depth or understanding of how these concepts were originally intended to support healing. In a culture that can sometimes emphasize individualism, therapy language may inadvertently become more about protecting oneself from discomfort or accountability than about fostering connection, empathy, and growth.

Phrases like “I’m setting a boundary” or “I’m triggered” are often deeply valid and necessary. Yet, when they are used to shut down dialogue or avoid the emotional impact of our words or actions, they can lose some of their original purpose: to support safety and connection, both within ourselves and with others.

How Therapy Language Can Be Misused—Often Unintentionally

It's important to remember that many of the ways people might use therapy language to create distance or deflect are understandable, especially when we feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or are trying to protect ourselves from further pain. These are human responses, not failures. Yet, even with good intentions, certain patterns can create harm in relationships or lead to misunderstandings.

Some common patterns might include:

Using boundaries as a form of control or punishment
Boundaries are intended to protect our own emotional or physical well-being. They are about defining what we can and cannot tolerate, rather than managing or controlling the behaviour of others. When boundaries are used to create emotional distance as a way to avoid hard conversations or as a form of retaliation, they can become more like walls that block connection rather than bridges that invite safe engagement.

Framing feedback as harm
It’s natural to feel defensive when we receive difficult feedback. And while some situations are genuinely harmful, not all discomfort is harm. If we label every instance of feedback or challenge as “toxic” or “unsafe,” we might miss opportunities for growth, relational repair, and deepening understanding of both ourselves and others.

Pathologizing others to make sense of pain
In moments when someone’s behaviour feels confusing or painful, it can be tempting to use diagnostic language—such as calling someone a “narcissist” or “sociopath.” While these words can feel clarifying in the moment, they may also reduce a complex person to a label and inadvertently reinforce stigma. This can shut down dialogue and limit opportunities for repair, understanding, or boundary-setting that is rooted in curiosity and compassion.

Using diagnoses or labels to avoid self-reflection
Naming our experiences—whether trauma, attachment wounds, or mental health challenges—can offer powerful insights into our behaviours and needs. However, when these labels are used to justify actions that may harm others, without accompanying reflection or openness to growth, the language of mental health can become another way we get stuck rather than move forward.

Why This Matters

When therapy speak is used in ways that avoid responsibility or control situations, it can dilute the powerful purpose of these concepts. Over time, this can erode trust in our relationships, leave us feeling isolated, or create an environment where emotional safety becomes confused with never feeling uncomfortable.

Phrases like “you’re triggering me” or “you’re not respecting my boundaries” can be incredibly important in situations of harm, abuse, or genuine threat to safety. But in everyday moments of conflict or disagreement, when used to shut down conversations without room for dialogue or repair, they can unintentionally silence others or invalidate their experiences.

This is not because the words themselves are inherently harmful, but because how we use them matters. Therapy speak can support healing, but when applied without reflection or curiosity, it can sometimes make it harder to navigate the messy, imperfect, but essential work of relational repair and accountability.

Moving Toward Authentic Growth

It’s easy to slip into these patterns—especially if we’ve been hurt, or if we are still learning how to navigate relational discomfort and repair. This isn’t about getting it right all the time. Growth is not a checklist—it’s a direction we keep moving toward, with gentleness and self-compassion.

Some reflective questions that might support us in this work include:

• When I feel uncomfortable or challenged, how do I tend to respond? Do I notice myself reaching for certain words or labels? What might be underneath that response?
• When I use diagnostic or therapy terms, what am I hoping they will do? Is there something I am trying to name, protect, or express? Are there other ways I could invite understanding or share what I need?
• Have there been moments when my impact didn’t match my intent? How did I respond when someone shared that they were hurt by my words or actions?
• Am I making space for both my own emotional needs and the needs of the people around me? What does that balance feel like right now? Does it feel sustainable?

Therapy language can be a helpful tool—but it is not the work itself. Often, the work lives in the uncomfortable places: in the feedback we resist, in the ownership we take, and in our willingness to keep practicing new ways of being in relationship.

If you find yourself wrestling with these patterns, or noticing them showing up in your relationships, you’re not alone. Therapy can offer a compassionate space to untangle the language of healing from the deeper work of accountability, communication, and meaningful change. At VOX Mental Health, we are here to walk alongside you as you explore what authentic, connected relationships might look like—for yourself, and for the people around you.

‍