Big emotions are a normal part of childhood—but without the tools to understand or express them, children can often feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. As caregivers, parents, and educators, we play a vital role in helping children navigate these moments with empathy, safety and support.

Why Emotional Regulation Matters

When children are still developing emotional regulation skills, everyday situations—like losing a game, receiving correction for their behaviour, or being told “no”—can feel disproportionately difficult for them. These strong reactions aren’t signs of misbehaviour or disrespect. More often, they’re a child’s way of communicating, “I don’t know what to do with what I’m feeling.”

Emotional regulation is the process of recognizing, understanding, and managing your emotions in ways that help you respond effectively and appropriately to different types of situations. This is a developmental skill that takes time, support, and repeated experiences of safety. Without guidance from their caregivers, children may struggle to process their emotions in healthy ways. This can look different from child to child—some may withdraw or shut down, while others might engage in “acting out” behaviours.

Over time, developing these emotional regulation skills becomes essential. Emotional regulation impacts relationships, learning, confidence, and mental health.

What Emotional Dysregulation Can Look Like

Emotional dysregulation happens when a child’s internal experience becomes too overwhelming to manage. You might notice:

• Intense reactions that seem out of proportion to the situation
• Difficulty calming down without support
• Quick shifts from a state of calm to upset
• Withdrawing, becoming quiet, or “zoning out”
• Avoiding tasks or situations that involve frustration

These may be signs that a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed. Their body might be in a stress response—commonly referred to as fight, flight, or freeze—and they need help returning to a sense of safety before they can access reasoning or problem-solving skills. 

What Is Co-Regulation?

Before children can regulate their own emotions, they first need to experience what it feels like to be regulated with someone. This process is called co-regulation.

Co-regulation means offering your calm to help guide a child back to theirs. It involves using your presence, tone, and body language to communicate, “You’re safe, and I’m here.” Over time, these experiences help lay the foundation for self-regulation.

Here are a few ways to support co-regulation:

• Being grounded. Your calm presence is a powerful cue to your child’s nervous system. Taking a deep breath before responding can sometimes make a world of a difference.
• Validate their feelings. Saying things like, “I can see you’re upset,” helps children feel understood and can help reduce emotional intensity.
• Connect physically and emotionally. Getting on their level, using a gentle tone, or offering proximity (if this works for their unique needs) can help them feel safe.
• Offer simple choices. When possible, give a child small, respectful options like “Would you like to sit here or go grab your stuffed animal?” This restores a sense of control without pressure.

Building Emotional Awareness Over Time

Helping children name and understand their feelings is a powerful way to support their growth. It’s not about solving the feeling—it’s about helping them feel safe while they move through it.

Some helpful ways to build emotional skills are:

• Use feeling words regularly. You might say, “You look upset,” or “I wonder if you’re feeling a little worried right now.” Visuals like emotion charts and storybooks can help children connect words to feelings.
• Practice calm-down strategies when calm. Breathing exercises, squeezing a stress ball, drawing, or wrapping in a cozy blanket can all help. Practicing these strategies while the child is not escalated may help with implementation at a later time. 
• Model emotional regulation. Children learn a lot from watching how we handle emotions ourselves. When we manage our feelings in a thoughtful way, we not only show them how to navigate their own emotions, but we also teach them that it's okay to experience difficult emotions and that they can also learn to handle them in a healthy, balanced way.

The Heart of Emotional Support

Helping kids with big feelings isn’t about controlling their behaviour, but rather about creating a sense of safety and connection. When children feel seen, heard, and supported, it helps equip them with the tools to manage their emotions more effectively. 

Truthfully, many of us are still practicing these skills ourselves—because emotional regulation is a lifelong process.

If you notice that big feelings are happening frequently or intensely—and starting to affect your child’s everyday life at school, home, or with friends—it might be a sign that some extra support could be helpful. This can provide your child with the tools they need to better manage their big feelings.

At VOX Mental Health, we understand how challenging it can be to support a child through big emotional moments. Our team offers support rooted in compassion and evidence-based strategies. Every child deserves to feel safe with their feelings—and with the trusted adults who help them carry those feelings.

To learn more about co-regulation and emotional regulation, visit: 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/emotion-regulation

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/co-regulation-helping-children-and-teens-navigate-big-emotions-202404033030

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/on-babies/202407/adult-coregulation-leads-to-child-self-regulation

‍